


Sincerely, Me: A Very Merry Sidefic

by Ignis_Sassentia, SharkbaitHooHaHa



Series: Cause We're Hella Gay [4]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Established Relationship, Jewish Amicitias, M/M, Multi, Polyship Roadtrip, Questionable Sincerely Me canon, Ugly Christmas Sweaters, a lot of sex talk, holiday fic, like a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-14 18:37:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13013760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ignis_Sassentia/pseuds/Ignis_Sassentia, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SharkbaitHooHaHa/pseuds/SharkbaitHooHaHa
Summary: A (questionably canon) Sincerely, Me holiday fic. In which Ignis really enjoys playing Santa even though it doesn't make sense in Eos, Noctis enjoys letting him, Gladio is aggressively Jewish even though it doesn't make sense in Eos, and Prompto is still a sinnamon roll.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Happy holidays everyone! We have a holiday fic! It's set in the Sincerely, Me verse, but since we don't actually know how the main fic is going just yet, this is kind of...questionable canon. So take it mostly just as a fun side holiday piece and not necessarily as a sign of things to come. 
> 
> Otherwise, enjoy these horny idiots in their poly holiday shenanigans.

**_‘Twas the night before Noctmas, all through Insomnia,_ **

 

 **Gladiolus (11:27 a.m.):** You did ~NOT~ just call it “Noctmas.”

 

 **Ignis (11:28 a.m.):** I’m afraid he did, darling. And he somehow decided it was already the night of Christmas Eve, despite being two days early.

 

**_The Prince wasn’t sleeping, maybe it was sleep apnea;_ **

 

 **Ignis (11:30 a.m.):** I assure you it isn’t, love.

 

**_His boyfriends were gathered around at his flat,_ **

 

 **Prompto (11:31 a.m.):** and wondering what the hell 2 do with the brat;

 

 **Noctis (11:32 a.m.):** shut the hell up, Prompto

 

**_The four of them snuggled up close by the fire,_ **

 

 **Prompto (11:34 a.m.):** u guys r snuggling without me?! D:

 

 **Gladiolus (11:34 a.m.):** Of course not, babe.

 **Gladiolus (11:35 a.m.):** Iggy’s doing decoration committee stuff and I’m helping Iris with her present for Dad tonight...

 

 **Ignis (11:36 a.m.):** Which leaves Noct on his own...how concerning.

 

 **Noctis (11:37 p.m.):** fuck you

 

**_Drinking eggnog that had already expired;_ **

 

 **Prompto (11:38 a.m.):** U GAVE US ROTTEN EGGNOG LAST NITE?!

 

 **Ignis (11:39 a.m.):** I checked the expiration date, sweetheart. It was fine.

 

 **Gladiolus (11:40 a.m.):** Besides, the whiskey would’ve killed anything in it.

 

 **Ignis (11:41 a.m.):** You know that isn’t how it works, Gladio. :/

 

 **Noctis (11:42 a.m.):** I needed a rhyme, chill the fuck out

 

**_They were all bundled up in warm, ugly sweaters,_ **

 

 **Gladiolus (11:44 a.m.):** Shut up. The light-up menorah sweater you got me is fucking amazing.

 

 **Ignis (11:45 a.m.):** I suppose that’s one word for it.

 

 **Noctis (11:46 a.m.):** technically, that’s two

 

**_Arguing over whose rhyming was better;_ **

 

**_Smiles were shared, and kisses were placed,_ **

**_They were all happy in each others’ embrace;_ **

**_Though Gladio’s armpit was beginning to smother,_ **

 

 **Gladiolus (11:48 a.m.):** You could just, you know, move...

 

 **Noctis (11:49 a.m.):** it’s a hypothetical armpit, dumbass

 

**_There was no denying they all loved one another._ **

 

 **Ignis (11:50 a.m.):** A fitting end to the poem, darling.

 **Ignis (11:51 a.m.):** Though the rhythm isn’t exactly consistent.

 

 **Noctis (11:53 a.m.):** I give and I give and I give, and what do I have to show for it?

 **Noctis (11:54 a.m.):** whining

 

 **Prompto (11:55 a.m.):** I lyked it

 **Prompto (11:56 a.m.):** except 4 the part where you tried 2 murder us with eggnog

 

 **Gladiolus (11:57 a.m.):** And called my sweater ugly. D:

 

 **Ignis (11:58 a.m.):** [sigh emoji]

 

 **Prompto (11:59 p.m.):** your sweater’s amazing, Gladio

 **Prompto (12:00 p.m.):** do u lyk mine?! :D

 

 **Noctis (12:01 p.m.):** and mine?

 

 **Prompto (12:01 p.m.):** and Iggy’s?! :D

 

 **Gladiolus (12:02 p.m.):** The light-up tree with a chocobo star? Two reindeer fucking? The official Ebony brand ugly Christmas sweater?

 **Gladiolus (12:03 p.m.):** They’re all very you. I love ‘em.

 

 **Ignis (12:04 p.m.):** We do make quite a sight, don’t we?

 **Ignis (12:05 p.m.):** All of us in these sweaters, running around the Citadel.

 

 **Prompto (12:06 p.m.):** Cor and I have matching sweaters! :D

 

 **Noctis (12:07 p.m.):** my dad’s sweater says DILF

 **Noctis (12:08 p.m.):** FML

 

 **Gladiolus (12:10 p.m.):** We’re going to avoid the topic of my dad’s matching DILF sweater and focus on Prompto’s matching with Cor.

 

 **Ignis (12:11 p.m.):** Is the marshal wearing it today? I haven’t seen him yet.

 

 **Prompto (12:12 p.m.):** yep! :D

 **Prompto (12:13 p.m.):** and he invited me to go daggerquill hunting with him tomorrow!

 **Prompto (12:14 p.m.):** getting in2 the holiday spirit by murdering things :D

 

 **Ignis (12:15 p.m.):** Oh, lovely. I’ve always wanted to try roasting a daggerquill for holiday dinner.

 

 **Gladiolus (12:16 p.m.):** You would.

 **Gladiolus (12:17 p.m.):** Are you three still coming to Dad’s for latkes tonight?

 

 **Prompto (12:18 p.m.):** yeah, can’t wait!

 

 **Noctis (12:19 p.m.):** I am going to drown myself in potatoes

 

 **Gladiolus (12:20 p.m.):** Good. Iris is ~REALLY~ looking forward to it.

 

 **Ignis (12:21 p.m.):** Noct, love, you know the potatoes won’t be liquid, don’t you?

 **Ignis (12:22 p.m.):** Gladio, do you think your father might be willing to share his recipe?

 

 **Gladiolus (12:23 p.m.):** I’ll ask, hun. But probably not. He hasn’t even taught me yet.

 

 **Ignis (12:24 p.m.):** A shame.

 

 **Noctis (12:25 p.m.):** don’t kill my dreams, muffin man

 

 **Prompto (12:26 p.m.):** NO!

 **Prompto (12:27 p.m.):** UNTIL AFTER NOCTMAS, HE GETS A HOLIDAY THEMED NICKNAME

 **Prompto (12:28 p.m.):** isn’t that rite, Iggy Pudding? :D

 

 **Gladiolus (12:29 p.m.):** Iggy Pudding. OMG.

 

 **Ignis (12:30 p.m.):** [sigh emoji]

 **Ignis (12:31 p.m.):** I love all of you, but can we please not refer to it as Noctmas?

 

 **Noctis (12:32 p.m.):** come on, Iggy Pudding, where’s your Noctmas spirit?

 

 **Ignis (12:33 p.m.):** Currently wrapped up in the garland I’m attempting to string in the ballroom.

 

 **Gladiolus (12:34 p.m.):** Oh, shit. Sorry, babe.

 

 **Ignis (12:35 p.m.):** That’s right. You ~WERE~ on the team that helped with the decorations last year, weren’t you?

 **Ignis (12:36 p.m.):** That explains the random dreidels in with the ornaments.

 

 **Noctis (12:37 p.m.):** excuse you

 **Noctis (12:38 p.m.):** who do you think it was who pelted all the visitors with gelt last year?

 **Noctis (12:39 p.m.):** you’re welcome

 

 **Prompto (12:40 p.m.):** I still think we should just make the Citadel all wintery like Narnia and call it good

 **Prompto (12:42 p.m.):** I’d even dress up lyk Mr. Tumnus

 

 **Ignis (12:43 p.m.):** Ah, so it’s you to thank that we’re ~STILL~ finding the occasional chocolate coin around the Citadel.

 

 **Gladiolus (12:44 p.m.):** Would that make Noct Peter or Edmund? Or ~GASP~ Eustice?!

 

 **Noctis (12:45 p.m.):** more importantly, would that make us all furries?

 

 **Ignis (12:46 p.m.):** [sigh emoji]

 **Ignis (12:47 p.m.):** Ah, that reminds me: did you send your letter to Santa this year, Noct?

 

 **Gladiolus (12:48 p.m.):** What?

 

 **Noctis (12:49 p.m.):** I gave it to you!!! D:

 **Noctis (12:50 p.m.):** didn’t you mail it?! D:

 

 **Prompto (12:50 p.m.):**...did we time travel fifteen years in2 the past?

 **Prompto (12:51 p.m.):** how old am I? @_@

 

 **Ignis (12:52 p.m.):** Ah, yes, of course.

 **Ignis (12:53 p.m.):** I forgot it was in the batch of mail I sent out two weeks ago. Apologies.

 

 **Gladiolus (12:54 p.m.):** No, seriously. What the hell is happening here?

 

 **Ignis (12:55 p.m.):** I would hope that was obvious, darling.

 

 **Noctis (12:56 p.m.):** I asked for a unicorn

 

 **Prompto (12:57 p.m.):** ah, I c

 **Prompto (12:58 p.m.):** I got high on the polish I was using 2 clean my gun

 **Prompto (12:59 p.m.):** AND NO, NOCT, THAT ISN’T A EUPHEMISM

 

 **Noctis (1:00 p.m.):** GODSDAMMIT PROMPTO, YOU’RE THE ACTUAL WORST

 

 **Gladiolus (1:01 p.m.):** Way to nip it in the bud there, Sunshine.

 

 **Ignis (1:02 p.m.):** I’d prefer not to wake up Christmas morning to a spiracorn running loose through the Citadel, Noct.

 

 **Gladiolus (1:03 p.m.):** Santa and unicorns...what’s next? o.O

 

 **Noctis (1:04 p.m.):** you got something against Santa, Gladio?

 

 **Prompto (1:05 p.m.):** does this mean the snow miser and heat miser are real, 2?

 

 **Noctis (1:06 p.m.):** yeah, and you’re the heat miser

 **Noctis (1:07 p.m.):** I’m the snow miser

 

 **Prompto (1:08 p.m.):** but I wanted 2 b the snow miser! D:

 

 **Ignis (1:09 p.m.):** Don’t worry, my loves. You’re both entirely too much.

 

 **Gladiolus (1:10 p.m.):** [crying while laughing emoji] [crying while laughing emoji] [crying while laughing emoji]

 

 **Prompto (1:12 p.m.):**...we walked in2 that…

 

 **Noctis (1:12 p.m.):**...yeah…

 

 **Ignis (1:13 p.m.):** :) :) :)

 

 **Gladiolus (1:14 p.m.):**...Still not used to you using emojis, Iggy.

 

 **Ignis (1:15 p.m.):** Apologies.

 

 **Prompto (1:16 p.m.):**...do I have 2 wear a suit 2 the party this year???  >_>

 **Prompto (1:17 p.m.):** I’m aking bcuz last year, SOMEBODY didn’t tell me I did and I showed up in street clothes, lyk an asshole >:/

 

 **Noctis (1:18 p.m.):** I said I was sorry, okay?

 **Noctis (1:19 p.m.):** I thought you knew

 

 **Ignis (1:20 p.m.):** It’s not required, but I would quite like it if you did.

 

 **Gladiolus (1:21 p.m.):** Keep it in your pants until ~AFTER~ the party, babe. <3

 

 **Ignis (1:22 p.m.):** Says the biggest exhibitionist of all of us. How interesting.

 

 **Prompto (1:23 p.m.):**...should I wear the the clippy whatchamacallits, 2?

 

 **Noctis (1:24 p.m.):** don’t worry, Gladio, you and I can secret away during the party, too

 

 **Ignis (1:25 p.m.):** The shirt stays? Please.

 **Ignis (1:26 p.m.):** I rather believe it’s time to repeat that performance, don’t you?

 

 **Gladiolus (1:27 p.m.):** Gods, please.

 **Gladiolus (1:28 p.m.):**...That was to Noct, not you two giving each other matching hickies because of shirt stays…

 

 **Ignis (1:29 p.m.):** Of course it was, darling.

 

 **Noctis (1:30 p.m.):** if you three leave me alone at that fucking party to go screw in a closet somewhere, I’m breaking up with all y’all

 

 **Prompto (1:31 p.m.):** no, u luv us! [kissy face emoji]

 

 **Noctis (1:32 p.m.):** …

 **Noctis (1:32 p.m.):** [kissy face emoji]

 

 **Gladiolus (1:33 p.m.):** [kissy face emoji] Wouldn’t dream of it, babe.

 

 **Ignis (1:34 p.m.):** Certainly not.

 **Ignis (1:35 p.m.):** We all know there isn’t a closet in the Citadel that would fit Gladio and one of us, let alone all three of us.

 **Ignis (1:36 p.m.):** [kissy face emoji]

 

 **Noctis (1:37 p.m.):** are we going to get matching ties?

 

 **Prompto (1:38 p.m.):** CHOCOBO TIES?! :D

 

 **Gladiolus (1:39 p.m.):** You know Iris and I have matching outfits for the party every year. D:

 

 **Ignis (1:40 p.m.):** Ah, yes. Are you doing the family Grinch costumes again?

 

 **Gladiolus (1:41 p.m.):** Ofc. It’s freaking hilarious.

 

 **Noctis (1:42 p.m.):** are you that fucking dog again?

 

 **Prompto (1:43 p.m.):** will ur dad b the Grinch again?! :D

 

 **Gladiolus (1:44 p.m.):** Yep. :D

 **Gladiolus (1:45 p.m.):** We had to make Iris a new Cindy Lou Who costume this year. She finally outgrew the old one.

 **Gladiolus (1:46 p.m.):** She’s getting so big. :’)

 

 **Noctis (1:48 p.m.):** well, yeah, she’s almost an adult

 

 **Gladiolus (1:49 p.m.):** We don’t talk about that.

 

 **Ignis (1:50 p.m.):** Hasn’t she started dating someone?

 

 **Gladiolus (1:51 p.m.):** NO. I REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT.

 

 **Ignis (1:52 p.m.):**...right.

 

 **Noctis (1:53 p.m.):** how’s your dad taking it?

 **Noctis (1:54 p.m.):** he hasn’t tried to kill the poor soul, has he?

 

 **Gladiolus (1:55 p.m):** Not that I know of…

 **Gladiolus (1:56 p.m.):** But I’m pretty sure he’s taken a page out of Iggy’s book and has someone tailing the poor kid.

 

 **Ignis (1:57 p.m.):** I’m fairly certain Iris can take care of herself.

 

 **Gladiolus (1:58 p.m.):** She’s still the baby of the family. We’re going to protect her as long as possible. D: D: D:

 

 **Prompto (1:59 p.m.):** hasn’t she kicked ur ass in ur last few training sessions??? :o

 

 **Noctis (2:00 p.m.):** she did, it was fucking hilarious

 

 **Gladiolus (2:01 p.m.):** SHE’S STILL MY BABY SISTER, DAMN IT. D:

 

 **Ignis (2:02 p.m.):** I’m much more afraid for the apparent significant other than for Iris’ wellbeing…

 

 **Noctis (2:03 p.m.):** should the three of us try to come up with with better costumes than the Amicitias?

 

 **Prompto (2:04 p.m.):** ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS!!!

 

 **Noctis (2:05 p.m.):**...we’ll put it on the table

 **Noctis (2:06 p.m.):** Iggy Pudding?

 

 **Gladiolus (2:07 p.m.):** Ain’t gonna happen.

 

 **Ignis (2:09 p.m.):** Well, you were already discussing the Heat Miser and Snow Miser. Perhaps those would make interesting costumes?

 

 **Prompto (2:10 p.m.):** OMG YES :D

 

 **Noctis (2:11 p.m.):** DIBS ON SNOW MISER

 

 **Prompto (2:12 p.m.):** GODSDAMMIT!!!

 

 **Ignis (2:14 p.m.):** I’m sure there’s some way the two of you can figure out who’s dressing up as which character without calling dibs.

 

 **Gladiolus (2:15 p.m.):**...You have met them, haven’t you, babe?

 

 **Ignis (2:16 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] I suppose you’re correct.

 

 **Noctis (2:16 p.m.):** Iggy Pudding, you’re Mother Nature

 

 **Prompto (2:16 p.m.):** one of these days I’m going 2 out-dibs u

 **Prompto (2:17 p.m.):** lyk, if we go on a road trip, I’m going to call ultimate shotgun and get to sit in the front seat the whole journey

 

 **Noctis (2:18 p.m.):** like hell

 

 **Gladiolus (2:19 p.m.):** I’d pay good money to see that.

 

 **Ignis (2:20 p.m.):** All of my boyfriends are children...alas.

 

 **Prompto (2:21 p.m.):** D:

 

 **Noctis (2:22 p.m.):**...am I too old to believe in Santa, Iggy Pudding?

 

 **Ignis (2:23 p.m.):** Of course not, Highness.

 **Ignis (2:24 p.m.):** I have it on very good authority Santa is still planning to visit the Citadel the night after tomorrow.

 

 **Gladiolus (2:25 p.m.):**...Wouldn’t he stop by our apartment?

 

 **Ignis (2:26 p.m.):** I’m sure he’ll drop by wherever Noct is staying the night.

 

 **Prompto (2:29 p.m.):** Noct and Gladio don’t have a fireplace.

 

 **Noctis (2:30 p.m.):** one just kind of appears all like WHUMP-USH-A

 

 **Ignis (2:31 p.m.):** Magic is quite a wondrous thing.

 **Ignis (2:32 p.m.):** If you’ll excuse me, I ought to tidy up before Gladio arrives.

 

 **Gladiolus (2:33 p.m.):** [eggplant emoji] ;)

 

 **Prompto (2:34 p.m.):** …

 

 **Noctis (2:37 p.m.):** dp76002.jpg

 

 **Prompto (2:37 p.m.):** dp260214.jpg

 

 **Noctis (2:38 p.m.):** much better than an eggplant emoji, wouldn’t you say?

 

 **Prompto (2:39 p.m.):** indeed ;)

 **Prompto (2:40 p.m.):** want a bj?

 

 **Noctis (2:41 p.m.):** only if we send them pics

 

 **Gladiolus (2:42 p.m.):** I’m down. ;)

 

 **Ignis (2:43 p.m.):** [sigh emoji]

 **Ignis (2:44 p.m.):** You lot will be the death of me, I swear.

 

 **Noctis (2:45 p.m.):** you started it

 

 **Prompto (2:46 p.m.):** u rly did, Iggy Pudding

 

 **Ignis (2:57 p.m.):** I’m afraid I did.

 

 **Gladiolus (2:58 p.m.):** If I catch any of you looking at these pics during dinner, I ~WILL~ break up with you D:

 

 **Noctis (2:59 p.m.):** tell that to Iggy Pudding

 **Noctis (3:01 p.m.):** Prompto and I are far more capable of keeping it in our pants than you two are, apparently

 

 **Prompto (3:02 p.m.):** Iggy Pudding is insatiable D:

 **Prompto (3:03 p.m.):** I sprained my dick once bcuz he wanted to go 4 round four, remember?

 **Prompto (3:04 p.m.):** FOUR ;_;

 

 **Ignis (3:05 p.m.):** Apologies, my loves.

 **Ignis (3:06 p.m.):** It seems to be a side effect of years of sexual repression.

 **Ignis (3:07 p.m.):** Though if you’re complaining, I’m sure I can re-learn to control myself.

 **Ignis (3:08 p.m.):** Of course, as I recall, Prompto was the one attempting to jump the gun, so to speak, while he was healing.

 

 **Gladiolus (3:09 p.m.):** Pretty sure I walked in on him pretty much humping your leg. Like twice.

 

 **Prompto (3:10 p.m.):** well, he was standing there being all sexy!!! D:<

 

 **Noctis (3:11 p.m.):** Yeah, Iggy Pudding, you make his stamen go berserk

 

 **Gladiolus (3:12 p.m.):**...seriously, Noct?

 

 **Ignis (3:13 p.m.):** I promise, I’m not a man-eating plant.

 

 **Prompto (3:14 p.m.):** IGGY 2!!! :D

 

 **Gladiolus (3:15 p.m.):** I’m pretty damn sure the world couldn’t handle that.

 

 **Ignis (3:16 p.m.):** Perhaps we could continue this conversation at a later date?

 

 **Noctis (3:17 p.m.):** don’t work him too hard, Iggy Pudding, I have plans for him tonight

 

 **Prompto (3:18 p.m.):** y is every1 getting laid 2day but me? D:

 

 **Noctis (3:19 p.m.):** dude, I’m giving you a bj once you’re finished with mine

 **Noctis (3:19 p.m.):** speaking of which…

 **Noctis (3:20 p.m.):** dp76003.jpg

 

 **Gladiolus (3:21 p.m.):**...Fuck that’s hot.

 

 **Ignis (3:22 p.m.):** It never ceases to impress me that you two can text during such activities.

 

 **Prompto (3:23 p.m.):** I’m good @ multitasking

 

 **Noctis (3:24 p.m.):** and it’s not like I’m actually doing anything

 **Noctis (3:25 p.m.):** dp76004.jpg

 

 **Ignis (3:26 p.m.):** Enjoy yourselves. We’ll see you shortly for dinner.

 

 **Gladiolus (3:27 p.m.):** I’m blaming you two if he doesn’t actually get around to fucking me D: D: D:

 

 **Noctis (3:28 p.m.):** how close is he to coming in his pants?

 **Noctis (3:29 p.m.):** gods, he has such a weak spot for Prompto

 **Noctis (3:30 p.m.):** can’t say I blame him, though

 **Noctis (3:31 p.m.):** dp76005.jpg

 

 **Gladiolus (3:32 p.m.):** How the hell do you have that much stamina when he looks that hot? D:

 **Gladiolus (3:33 p.m.):** Do stop being distracting, will you? I’m attempting to accomplish something here.

 

 **Prompto (3:34 p.m.):** sry, Iggy Pudding

 **Prompto (3:35 p.m.):** luv u <3

 **Prompto (3:36 p.m.):** dp260215.jpg

 **Prompto (3:37 p.m.):** Noct’s turn! ;)

 

 **Noctis (3:37 p.m.):** have good sex!

 

\---

 

 **Ignis (12:56 p.m.):** Gladio, my love, would you please let the Santa thing drop?

 

 **Ignis (12:57 p.m.):** I make a point of playing Santa and encouraging the belief for Noct every year.

 

 **Gladiolus (12:58 p.m.):** Iggy, babe, he’s a grown-ass man. And the Crown Prince.

 

 **Ignis (12:59 p.m.):** All the more reason to allow him a bit of whimsy, don’t you think?

 

 **Gladiolus (1:04 p.m.):** Okay, sure, but sending letters to Santa?

 **Gladiolus (1:05 p.m.):** Isn’t that a bit much?

 

 **Ignis (1:06 p.m.):** Perhaps.

 **Ignis (1:06 p.m.):** But you haven’t seen his face on Christmas morning.

 **Ignis (1:07 p.m.):** That happiness alone is worth any amount of deception.

 

 **Gladiolus (1:08 p.m.):** At least tell me you don’t get him everything on his wish list…

 

 **Ignis (1:10 p.m.):** I do what I can.

 **Ignis (1:11 p.m.):** But, no, I will not be hunting down a spiracorn for him. I draw the line at living creatures.

 

 **Gladiolus (1:12 p.m.):** Probably a good decision.

 **Gladiolus (1:13 p.m.):** How long have you been doing this?

 

 **Ignis (1:16 p.m.):** Quite some time. I believe I started the year after I began looking after Noct.

 

 **Gladiolus (1:17 p.m.):** You’ve let him believe in Santa all this time?

 

 **Ignis (1:18 p.m.):** It seemed the kindest thing to do.

 **Ignis (1:18 p.m.):** After all, his childhood wasn’t terribly gentle, as you know.

 

 **Gladiolus (1:20 p.m.):** Babe, none of us had super great childhoods.

 

 **Ignis (1:23 p.m.):** So if I can do one thing to make him smile no matter what else is happening, by Shiva, I will.

 

 **Gladiolus (1:25 p.m.):** Fair enough, I guess.

 

 **Ignis (1:29 p.m.):** …Would you like a matching shirt stays hickey, my love?

 

 **Gladiolus (1:30 p.m.):** Iggy! D:

 

 **Ignis (1:31 p.m.):** I mean it. If you’ve some extra time before dinner tonight, I’d be more than happy to provide.

 

 **Gladiolus (1:32 p.m.):** Never would have thought you’d be the insatiable one here.

 

 **Ignis (1:33 p.m.):** The world is full of surprises.

 

 **Gladiolus (1:34 p.m.):** Apparently. O.o

 

 **Ignis (1:37 p.m.):** Is that a problem, darling?

 **Ignis (1:38 p.m.):** I had rather thought you’d appreciate the suggestion. Was I wrong?

 

 **Gladiolus (1:42 p.m.):** No…

 **Gladiolus (1:42 p.m.):** But it’s weird discussing sex with you here and talking about my family in the group chat. D:

 

 **Ignis (1:43 p.m.):** I see.

 **Ignis (1:45 p.m.):** Then perhaps we ought to discuss places I might mark you where they won’t see, hm?

 

 **Gladiolus (1:47 p.m.):** IGNIS

 

 **Ignis (1:48 p.m.):** ;)

 

 **Gladiolus (1:53 p.m.):** How the hell did Prompto not explode when all of this was solely focused on him?

 

 **Ignis (1:54 p.m.):** I believe he did, actually. Quite a lot.

 

 **Gladiolus (1:59 p.m.):** Gods damn it. That is so ~NOT~ what I meant.

 

 **Ignis (2:00 p.m.):** No? A shame.

 

 **Gladiolus (2:03 p.m.):** I SWEAR TO THE SIX, SCIENTIA.

 

 **Ignis (2:04 p.m.):** I hardly see what the gods have to do with me fucking your brains out, Gladiolus.

 

 **Gladiolus (2:06 p.m.):** Damn, you get crude when you’re horny.

 

 **Ignis (2:07 p.m.):** Isn’t that what you like in a romantic partner?

 **Ignis (2:08 p.m.):** Someone willing to speak his mind and tell you exactly what he wants?

 

 **Gladiolus (2:11 p.m.):** Well, sure. But I’m still getting used to you being so blunt about wanting to fuck me.

 

 **Ignis (2:13 p.m.):** I suppose I’ll just have to say it more often, then.

 

 **Gladiolus (2:14 p.m.):** Okay, you win.

 **Gladiolus (2:15 p.m.):** I can be at your place in fifteen minutes.

 

 **Ignis (2:16 p.m.):** Better make it ten, love. I’m heading home now.

 **Ignis (2:17 p.m.):** And I need enough time to give you your Hanukkah present.  

 

 **Gladiolus (2:18 p.m.):** Iggy, you shouldn’t have.

 **Gladiolus (2:19 p.m.):** You know the presents are just something we do for Iris.

 

 **Ignis (2:22 p.m.):** Yes, well, forgive me for spoiling my boyfriends.

 

 **Gladiolus (2:23 p.m.):** I guess. If I have to.

 **Gladiolus (2:24 p.m.):** Love you.

 

 **Ignis (2:25 p.m.):** I love you, too. Now hurry.

 

\---

 

 **Noctis (1:02 p.m.):** dude, shut up about Santa

 

 **Prompto (1:03 p.m.):** sry

 **Prompto (1:04 p.m.):** I just didn’t kno u…

 **Prompto (1:05 p.m.):** believed in Santa? @_@

 

 **Noctis (1:06 p.m.):** oh, I don’t

 

 **Prompto (1:07 p.m.):**??? @_@

 

 **Noctis (1:08 p.m.):** Iggy Pudding REALLY likes playing Santa

 **Noctis (1:09 p.m.):** and it makes him happy

 **Noctis (1:10 p.m.):** so I pretend

 

 **Prompto (1:11 p.m.):** :)

 

 **Noctis (1:12 p.m.):** don’t

 

 **Prompto (1:13 p.m.):** :)

 

 **Noctis (1:14 p.m.):** no

 

 **Prompto (1:15 p.m.):** :) :) :)

 

 **Noctis (1:16 p.m.):** stop

 

 **Prompto (1:17 p.m.):** and in Insomnia they say

 

 **Noctis (1:17 p.m.):** PROMPTO

 

 **Prompto (1:18 p.m.):** that the prince’s small heart grew three sizes that day! :)

 

 **Noctis (1:19 p.m.):** I hate you

 

 **Prompto (1:20 p.m.):** u luv me :)

 

 **Noctis (1:21 p.m.):** I hate that I love you

 

 **Prompto (1:22 p.m.):** [angel emoji]

 

 **Noctis (1:23 p.m.):** so you want in?

 

 **Prompto (1:24 p.m.):** in?

 

 **Noctis (1:25 p.m.):** on pretending to believe in Santa?

 **Noctis (1:26 p.m.):** I bet it would make Iggy Pudding really happy

 

 **Prompto (1:27 p.m.):** YEAH! :D

 

 **Noctis (1:28 p.m.):** cool

 **Noctis (1:29 p.m.):** write a letter to Santa and give it to him to ‘send to the North Pole’ tomorrow

 **Noctis (1:30 p.m.):** keep it simple, though, it IS three days before Christmas, we’re not trying to stress him out

 

 **Prompto (1:31 p.m.):** of course

 **Prompto (1:32 p.m.):** damn, ur rly thoughtful this time of year

 

 **Noctis (1:33 p.m.):** of course

 **Noctis (1:34 p.m.):** gotta stay on that nice list

 

 **Prompto (1:35 p.m.):** tru :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Prompto (8:24 a.m.):** hey, Iggy Pudding? :o

 

**Ignis (8:25 a.m.):** Yes, dear heart? 

 

**Prompto (8:26 a.m.):** if I bring my letter 4 Santa by ur office, do u think we can still get it 2 the North Pole in time?

 

**Ignis (8:27 a.m.):** I didn’t realize you believed in Santa, love. 

 

**Prompto (8:28 a.m.):** I talked 2 Noct yesterday :)

**Prompto (8:29 a.m.):** he had some rly gr8 points! :D

 

**Ignis (8:30 a.m.):** I see. 

**Ignis (8:31 a.m.):** I’m sure we can get the letter delivered in time. <3 

**Ignis (8:32 a.m.):** I’ll get it in the mail as soon as you bring it by. 

 

**Prompto (8:33 a.m.):** gr8! 

**Prompto (8:34 a.m.):** how’s ur morning going?

 

**Ignis (8:35 a.m.):** Very well so far. 

**Ignis (8:36 a.m.):** Though my day is always improved by your presence. 

 

**Prompto (8:37 a.m.):** sap <3

 

**Ignis (8:38 a.m.):** You’ve been dating me for long enough to know that. <3 

**Ignis (8:39 a.m.):** How’s your morning, my love? 

 

**Prompto (8:40 a.m.):** ok so far

**Prompto (8:41 a.m.):** tho it’s always brighter when ur around. <3

 

**Ignis (8:42 a.m.):** Who’s the sap now? :) 

 

**Prompto (8:43 a.m.):** it’s me!

**Prompto (8:44 a.m.):** I was the sap ALL ALONG! :D

 

**Ignis (8:45 a.m.):** How shocking. 

**Ignis (8:46 a.m.):** Would the sap like to join me for coffee after I send off his letter to Santa? 

**Ignis (8:47 a.m.):** There isn’t much work I need to attend today. 

 

**Prompto (8:48 a.m.):** yeah!

**Prompto (8:49 a.m.):** Noct and Gladio, 2, or just us?

 

**Ignis (8:50 a.m.):** Which do you prefer, darling? 

 

**Prompto (8:51 a.m.):** all of us?

**Prompto (8:52 a.m.):** it’s the holidays, after all! :D

 

**Ignis (8:53 a.m.):** A fabulous idea. :) 

 

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Ignis**

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Ignis**

 

**Ignis (8:54 a.m.):** Gladio, is Noct awake yet? 

 

**Gladiolus (8:55 a.m.):** Nope. What’s up? 

 

**Ignis (8:56 a.m.):** Prompto and I were thinking about grabbing coffee with all four of us. 

**Ignis (8:57 a.m.):** Do you think you could manage to rouse him? 

 

**Gladiolus (8:58 a.m.):** I can try. 

 

**Prompto (8:59 a.m.):** good luck! :D

 

**Noctis (9:23 a.m.):** dreams don’t come true, all good things end, everything dies, and the astrals have abandoned us

 

**Prompto (9:24 a.m.):** well, good morning 2 u, 2

 

**Gladiolus (9:25 a.m.):** Hey, at least you can use your balcony again. 

 

**Ignis (9:26 a.m.):** Oh, gods. What did you do? 

 

**Noctis (9:27 a.m.):** he shoveled the balcony

 

**Gladiolus (9:28 a.m.):** Into bed. 

 

**Ignis (9:29 a.m.):** Oh for the love of the Six. 

**Ignis (9:30 a.m.):** Why in the world did you think that was a good idea? 

 

**Gladiolus (9:31 a.m.):** Well, he’s gotten immune to the normal ice on his cheeks somehow, so I had to do ~SOMETHING~. 

 

**Noctis (9:32 a.m.):** our mattress is soaked

**Noctis (9:33 a.m.):** looks like you’re getting your water bed, after all

 

**Prompto (9:34 a.m.):** ...sex on a water bed has GOT 2 b rly hard

**Prompto (9:35 a.m.):** AND NO, NOCT, THAT WASN’T A EUPHEMISM

 

**Noctis (9:36 a.m.):** FUCK YOU, PROMPTO

 

**Gladiolus (9:37 a.m.):** I hear water beds are really good for your back… 

 

**Ignis (9:38 a.m.):** There must have been a better way to get what you wanted… 

**Ignis (9:39 a.m.):** I suppose we’ll go mattress shopping after the holidays. Assuming the two of you can manage in the guest room until then. 

 

**Noctis (9:40 a.m.):** no.

**Noctis (9:41 a.m.):** Iggy Pudding, let us sleep in your guest room

 

**Prompto (9:42 a.m.):** Yeah! It’s Noctmas, after all!

 

**Ignis (9:43 a.m.):** I’ll have to change the sheets, but very well. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:44 a.m.):** Think we can shove the beds together and all sleep together? 

 

**Ignis (9:45 a.m.):** You nearly took out a wall the last time you tried that, love. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:46 a.m.):** Oh. Right. 

 

**Prompto (9:46 a.m.):** Weeeeeeeeeee wish u a merry Noctmas, we wish u a merry Noctmas, we wish you a merry Noctmas, and a happy new year! :D

 

**Noctis (9:47 a.m.):** tear down the walls!

**Noctis (9:48 a.m.):** ultra bed! ultra bed!

 

**Ignis (9:49 a.m.):** I’m afraid I’m not going to remodel a flat I’m renting, darlings. Apologies. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:50 a.m.):** Noct’s room at the Citadel is bigger. We could probably manage it there. 

 

**Prompto (9:50 a.m.):** now bring us some Iggy Pudding, now bring us some Iggy Pudding, now bring us some Iggy Pudding, and bring him right here! :D

 

**Noctis (9:51 a.m.):** ...we could build a pillow fort that would fit all four of us in our living room

 

**Gladiolus (9:52 a.m.):** Fort Snuggles Mark II. :D 

 

**Ignis (9:53 a.m.):** Not a bad idea. 

**Ignis (9:54 a.m.):** Though it might impede Santa leaving gifts for you and Prompto. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:55 a.m.):** Prompto, too? 

 

**Prompto (9:55 a.m.):** we won’t go until we eat cum, we won’t go until we eat cum, we won’t go until we eat cum, so bring your dick here! :D

 

**Noctis (9:56 a.m.):** someone’s on the naughty list this year ;)

 

**Prompto (9:56 a.m.):** no!

**Prompto (9:57 a.m.):** I’m not naughty! D:

**Prompto (9:57 a.m.):** I’m nice! D:

**Prompto (9:58 a.m.):** I’m so nice! D:

 

**Gladiolus (9:59 a.m.):** Very nice. ;)

 

**Ignis (10:00 a.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

**Ignis (10:01 a.m.):** Are you two joining us for coffee or not? 

 

**Gladiolus (10:02 a.m.):** You sure Prom’s drinking coffee and not something else? :P 

 

**Noctis (10:03 a.m.):** looks like hot milk to me

 

**Prompto (10:04 a.m.):** no! It’s coffee! D:

**Prompto (10:05 a.m.):** I’m on the nice list! D:

**Prompto (10:06 a.m.):** THE NICE LIST!!! [crying emoji]

 

**Ignis (10:07 a.m.):** I’m sure you are, darling. 

**Ignis (10:08 a.m.):** Santa is very forgiving. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:09 a.m.):** What, you don’t want to be on the naughty list with me? D: 

**Gladiolus (10:10 a.m.):** Because we were tossing around some ~REALLY~ naughty ideas last week… 

 

**Prompto (10:11 a.m.):** oh, yeah

**Prompto (10:11 a.m.):** that reminds me

**Prompto (10:12 a.m.):** guys, I want 2 try double penetration

 

**Gladiolus (10:13 a.m.):** ...And that was ~WAY~ naughtier than I remember… 

 

**Ignis (10:14 a.m.):** Oh my. 

 

**Prompto (10:15 a.m.):** merry Noctmas! ;D

**Prompto (10:16 a.m.):** I’ll just leave u 2 2 get ur erections under control ;P

**Prompto (10:17 a.m.):** what do u say u and I meet 4 coffee now, Noct? :)

 

**Noctis (10:18 a.m.):** sure thing

 

**Prompto has left the group chat**

**Noctis has left the group chat**

 

**Gladiolus (10:19 a.m.):** Well...fuck. 

 

**Ignis (10:20 a.m.):** Indeed. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:21 a.m.):** How the hell does Noct move so fast when he wants to? D: 

 

**Ignis (10:22 a.m.):** I believe you trained him, darling. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:23 a.m.):** Why the hell did I have to do such a good job? [crying emoji] 

 

**Ignis (10:24 a.m.):** To allow him to avoid getting roped into helping his boyfriend with an unexpected erection, I suppose. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:25 a.m.):** He even ignored the puppy eyes, Ignis. D: 

 

**Ignis (10:26 a.m.):** Ah, yes. The iron will would be my fault. Apologies. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:27 a.m.):** Don’t suppose I could talk you into coming over? 

 

**Ignis (10:28 a.m.):** And what makes you believe I’m any better off? 

 

**Gladiolus (10:29 a.m.):** Yeah, I’d thought it was too much to hope for. 

**Gladiolus (10:30 a.m.):** Send pics? 

 

**Ignis (10:31 a.m.):** You’re incorrigible. 

**Ignis (10:33 a.m.):** dp00137.jpg

 

**Gladiolus (10:34 a.m.):** Gods, I love you. 

 

**Ignis (10:35 a.m.):** I love you, too. 

**Ignis (10:36 a.m.):** Care to return the favor? 

 

**Gladiolus (10:37 a.m.):** dp4519.jpg 

 

**Ignis (10:44 a.m.):** A poor substitute for the real thing, I’m afraid. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:45 a.m.):** Better than nothing. 

 

**Ignis (10:46 a.m.):** Indeed. 

**Ignis (10:47 a.m.):** If you’re quite finished, perhaps we ought to join our boyfriends? 

 

**Gladiolus (10:48 a.m.):** You just want coffee, you addict. 

 

**Ignis (10:49 a.m.):** You know me too well. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:50 a.m.):** I’d hope so. I’ve known you basically our whole lives. 

 

**Ignis (10:51 a.m.):** True enough. 

**Ignis (10:52 a.m.):** Ah. Before we go, I have a favor to ask. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:53 a.m.):** What’s up?

 

**Ignis (10:54 a.m.):** Would you mind terribly dressing as Santa for Noct and Prompto at the Citadel party tomorrow night? 

**Ignis (10:55 a.m.):** I know it’s not exactly “your thing,” but I think it would be a nice surprise. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:56 a.m.):** You really spoil them. 

 

**Ignis (10:57 a.m.):** I spoiled you yesterday as well, if I remember correctly. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:58 a.m.):** ...Fair enough. 

**Gladiolus (10:59 a.m.):** Is there enough time to find a costume that’ll fit? 

 

**Ignis (11:00 a.m.):** Leave it to me. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:01 a.m.):** ...You already bought one, didn’t you? 

 

**Ignis (11:02 a.m.):** Some light tailoring should do it. 

**Ignis (11:03 a.m.):** Come by my office this afternoon and we’ll sort it. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:04 a.m.):** Sure thing. 

**Gladiolus (11:05 a.m.):** ...Pretty sure Noct and Prompto are done with coffee by now. 

**Gladiolus (11:06 a.m.):** Sorry. 

 

**Ignis (11:07 a.m.):** I suppose we’ll just have to see, won’t we? 

 

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Ignis**

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Ignis**

 

**Ignis (11:08 a.m.):** I don’t imagine the both of you are still at the coffee shop by any chance, are you? 

 

**Noctis (11:09 a.m.):** no, we’re buying Prompto some new butt plugs

**Noctis (11:10 a.m.):** for practice

 

**Prompto (11:11 a.m.):** they’re all ugly, tho >:/

 

**Noctis (11:12 a.m.):** for the last fucking time, Prompto, they’re going in your ass, they don’t need to be cute

 

**Prompto (11:13 a.m.):** I can’t believe one of my own bfs could say such a horrible thing! D:

 

**Gladiolus (11:14 a.m.):** You’re going to wrap them and stick them under the tree, right? :P 

**Gladiolus (11:15 a.m.):** Or is the practice the present? ;) 

 

**Ignis (11:16 a.m.):** I’m certain we can find some...prettier ones for you given enough time. 

**Ignis (11:17 a.m.):** Though I admit I rather enjoy the sight of you using them, regardless of what the toy looks like beforehand. 

 

**Noctis (11:18 a.m.):** careful, there, Ignis

**Noctis (11:19 a.m.):** you don’t want another boner before you get your coffee

 

**Prompto (11:20 a.m.):** oh, FINALLY

**Prompto (11:21 a.m.):** this one has a jewel on the end! :D

 

**Noctis (11:22 a.m.):** great, let’s buy it and go, I think the clerk recognized me

 

**Gladiolus (11:23 a.m.):** Oh, shit. 

**Gladiolus (11:24 a.m.):** Is your GPS on? I’ll come make sure they didn’t get pics. :/ 

 

**Ignis (11:25 a.m.):** The last thing we need is the two of you in the tabloids again. Especially not in an adult toy store. On the day before Christmas Eve.

 

**Noctis (11:26 a.m.):** Noctmas Eve Eve

 

**Prompto (11:27 a.m.):** false alarm, he didn’t recognize u, he just wanted my number :P 

 

**Ignis (11:28 a.m.):** One can hardly blame him. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:29 a.m.):** You sure he didn’t recognize you? 

**Gladiolus (11:30 a.m.):** I should come make sure. Just in case. 

 

**Ignis (11:31 a.m.):** Isn’t your collection impressive enough, Gladio? 

 

**Gladiolus (11:32 a.m.):** Weren’t you the one who said “one can never have too many toys in bed,” Ignis? 

 

**Prompto (11:33 a.m.):** he definitely didn’t recognize him, he called him ‘emo boy’

 

**Noctis (11:34 a.m.):** what?

**Noctis (11:35 a.m.):** let’s go back, he needs to know who the fuck he’s dealing with

 

**Gladiolus (11:36 a.m.):** Noct, no. 

 

**Ignis (11:36 a.m.):** Noct, no. 

 

**Noctis (11:37 a.m.):** Noct, yes

 

**Prompto (11:38 a.m.):** fuuuuuuuuck

 

**Gladiolus (11:39 a.m.):** Almost there. Tackle him if you have to. 

 

**Ignis (11:40 a.m.):** Please try to avoid making a scene, my loves. 

 

**Noctis (11:47 a.m.):** I can’t believe you told him to tackle me

 

**Prompto (11:48 a.m.):** no 1 saw, Iggy Pudding, I tackled him in2 an alleyway

 

**Ignis (11:49 a.m.):** Thank you, dear heart. <3 

 

**Gladiolus (11:50 a.m.):** We really need to teach Prompto to tackle someone without hurting them…

 

**Prompto (11:51 a.m.):** I didn’t hurt him! D:

 

**Noctis (11:52 a.m.):** yeah, the hell are you talking about?

 

**Gladiolus (11:53 a.m.):** That scratch on the back of his neck? 

**Gladiolus (11:54 a.m.):** dp4520.jpg

**Gladiolus (11:55 a.m.):** I know it’s not that bad, but Dad’ll kill me if he sees it. 

 

**Ignis (11:54 a.m.):** ...Are you certain that wasn’t an injury from your activities last night? 

 

**Gladiolus (11:55 a.m.):** ...Fuck. 

**Gladiolus (11:56 a.m.):** I am so dead. D: 

 

**Prompto (11:57 a.m.):** we rly need 2 teach Gladio to have sex with someone without hurting them…

 

**Noctis (11:58 a.m.):** don’t worry, I’ll just say you scratched me during training

 

**Gladiolus (11:59 a.m.):** Thanks, babe. 

 

**Ignis (11:59 a.m.):** He does seem incredibly fond of leaving marks, doesn’t he? 

**Ignis (12:00 p.m.):** Surprisingly, he’s even better at it than I am. 

 

**Prompto (12:01 p.m.):** when he gives me a matching set on my thighs, THEN I’ll b impressed

 

**Noctis (12:02 p.m.):** maybe I’ll go to the holiday party shirtless and show him all the hickeys you’ve given me, though

 

**Gladiolus (12:03 p.m.):** DON’T YOU DARE. 

 

**Ignis (12:04 p.m.):** I would prefer if all three of my boyfriends survived the evening. 

 

**Prompto (12:05 p.m.):** I don’t kno, Iggy Pudding

 

**Noctis (12:06 p.m.):** yeah, that’s asking a lot

 

**Ignis (12:07 p.m.):** I have faith in you. 

 

**Noctis (12:08 p.m.):** wildly misplaced faith.

 

**Gladiolus (12:08 p.m.):** At least someone does. 

 

**Ignis (12:09 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

**Ignis (12:10 p.m.):** I suppose it’s entirely too much to ask you three to behave for a single evening? 

 

**Gladiolus (12:11 p.m.):** Depends. Is Santa still making his decisions on who’s on the nice list? ;P 

 

**Prompto (12:12 p.m.):** oh shit! D:

**Prompto (12:12 p.m.):** we’ll behave! D:

 

**Noctis (12:13 p.m.):** low blow, Gladio

 

**Gladiolus (12:14 p.m.):** [devil emoji] 

**Gladiolus (12:15 p.m.):** I already know I’m on the naughty list, so I’ve got nothing to worry about. :D 

 

**Ignis (12:16 p.m.):** Of course you are. 

 

**Noctis (12:17 p.m.):** oh, yeah, did you get your letter to Iggy Pudding, Prompto?

 

**Prompto (12:18 p.m.):** I had 2 leave it on his desk.

**Prompto (12:19 p.m.):** I’m going daggerquill hunting with Cor, now.

**Prompto (12:20 p.m.):** bye!!! luv u!!! luv u!!! luv u!!! :D <3 <3 <3

 

**Ignis (12:21 p.m.):** I love you, too. Be safe and enjoy yourself. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:22 pm.):** Have fun, Sunshine. :D Love you. 

 

**Noctis (12:23 p.m.):** love you, bring us back Noctmas dinner

 

**Prompto (12:24 p.m.):** will do!

 

**Prompto has left the group chat**

 

**Gladiolus (12:25 p.m.):** Soooo, Noct. 

**Gladiolus (12:26 p.m.):** Think you’re on the nice list or the naughty list? ;) 

 

**Ignis (12:27 p.m.):** For everything that’s happened this year, I believe he’s behaved remarkably well, Gladio. 

 

**Noctis (12:28 p.m.):** yeah, Gladio, I was super well-behaved, so SUCK MY DICK! 

 

**Gladiolus (12:29 p.m.):** I mean, if you insist. ;) 

 

**Ignis (12:30 p.m.):** I don’t suppose there will be photos of that as well as yesterday’s events? 

 

**Noctis (12:31 p.m.):** Ignis, however, may be on the naughty list

 

**Ignis (12:32 p.m.):** I’m sure I could find more uses for coal than whatever frivolous gifts I might otherwise receive. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:33 p.m.):** Oh, so I should go return that super nice gift I got you? 

 

**Ignis (12:34 p.m.):** Don’t you dare. 

 

**Noctis (12:35 p.m.):** ...are you planning on cooking with the coal, or are you going to shove it up your ass and shit out diamonds?

 

**Ignis (12:36 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

**Ignis (12:37 p.m.):** I might wind up using it for aiming practice. Care to volunteer as a target, my love? 

 

**Noctis (12:38 p.m.):** sure, throw them diamonds at me erryday

 

**Gladiolus (12:39 p.m.):** The diamonds you want him to literally make with his ass? o.O 

 

**Ignis (12:40 p.m.):** Why do I love you two again? 

 

**Noctis (12:41 p.m.):** process of elimination?

**Noctis (12:41 p.m.):** you only know, like, ten people

 

**Ignis (12:42 p.m.):** That isn’t true. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:43 p.m.):** Yeah, he knows like the entire Citadel staff. 

**Gladiolus (12:44 p.m.):** Of course, he scares the living daylights out of most of them. 

 

**Ignis (12:45 p.m.):** ...That is true, unfortunately. 

 

**Noctis (12:46 p.m.):** ohhhh, I get it

**Noctis (12:47 p.m.):** you love the way I laugh in your face when you’re trying to be scary <3

 

**Ignis (12:48 p.m.):** If only it would actually make you eat your vegetables. [sigh emoji] 

**Ignis (12:49 p.m.):** [kissy face emoji] 

 

**Gladiolus (12:50 p.m.):** Hey, Iggy Pudding. You don’t have much work today, right? 

**Gladiolus (12:51 p.m.):** Come over for lunch. <3 

 

**Ignis (12:52 p.m.):** Well, if you insist. 

 

**Noctis (12:53 p.m.):** unless he’s bringing us a new mattress, we should go to his place

 

**Gladiolus (12:54 p.m.):** What happened to Fort Snuggles Mark II? 

 

**Noctis (12:55 p.m.):** fine, but Iggy Pudding has to promise not to kick me in the side this time

 

**Ignis (12:56 p.m.):** I swear I’ll do my best, darling. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:57 p.m.):** I’ll just make the awful sacrifice and sleep between you. 

**Gladiolus (12:58 p.m.):** You know, when we get there. 

 

**Noctis (12:59 p.m.):** but Iggy Pudding pets my hair as I fall asleep! D:

 

**Gladiolus (1:00 p.m.):** ...I can do that… 

 

**Ignis (1:01 p.m.):** It’s a very particular rhythm, darling. It would take entirely too long to teach you. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:02 p.m.):** Your confidence in me is astounding, hun. 

 

**Noctis (1:03 p.m.):** okay, so is Iggy Pudding coming here, or are we coming there?

**Noctis (1:04 p.m.):** and, yes, that was a euphemism

 

**Gladiolus (1:05 p.m.):** Ofc it was. 

 

**Ignis (1:06 p.m.):** I’m leaving the Citadel now. I’ll be there shortly. <3 

 

\--- 

 

**Clarus (9:01 a.m.):** Your Majesty, please. You can’t wear the same sweater two days in a row. D: 

 

**Regis (9:02 a.m.):** but it’s FESTIVE! D:

 

**Clarus (9:03 a.m.):** I know for a fact you have multiple festive sweaters. 

**Clarus (9:04 a.m.):** So why the DILF one twice? 

 

**Regis (9:05 a.m.):** bcuz I thought u were going 2 wear urs again, 2!!! D:

 

**Clarus (9:06 a.m.):** Why in the world would you think that? D: 

**Clarus (9:07 a.m.):** Do you have any idea how many of the Glaives asked me about it yesterday? D: D: D: 

 

**Regis (9:08 a.m.):** but we matched! D:

**Regis (9:09 a.m.):** I thought we were bffs [crying emoji] [crying emoji] [crying emoji]

 

**Clarus (9:10 a.m.):** The matching was what they were asking about, Regis… 

**Clarus (9:11 a.m.):** And we’re a bit more than bffs…;P 

 

**Regis (9:12 a.m.):** all the more reason u should b wearing ur dilf sweater >:/

**Regis (9:13 a.m.):** and who cares if they ask questions, just tell them we’re in a romantic platonic relationship and be done with it

 

**Clarus (9:14 a.m.):** After all the crap I gave Gladio about not dating his charge? D: D: D: D: 

 

**Regis (9:15 a.m.):** well, maybe u shouldn’t have done that :P

 

**Clarus (9:16 a.m.):** …. 

**Clarus (9:17 a.m.):** Someone around here has to uphold some sort of propriety. :/ 

 

**Regis (9:18 a.m.):** says the man who wore a dilf sweater yesterday

 

**Clarus (9:19 a.m.):** Only because you gave me those damnable puppy eyes. D: 

 

**Regis (9:20 a.m.):** not my fault ur a weak, weak man

 

**Clarus (9:21 a.m.):** Turn around and say that to my face. [sword emoji] [kissy face emoji] [middle finger emoji] 

 

**Regis (9:22 a.m.):** some shield u r

 

**Clarus (9:23 a.m.):** (ง'̀-'́)ง 

 

**Regis (9:24 a.m.):** where’s ur holiday spirit?

 

**Clarus (9:25 a.m.):** I guess I left it at home with Iris. 

**Clarus (9:26 a.m.):** She whipped my ass at dreidel last night. D: 

 

**Regis (9:27 a.m.):** that’s what you get for being a scrooge

 

**Clarus (9:28 a.m.):** Regis, I’m Jewish...of course I’m not going to get into the Christmas spirit. 

**Clarus (9:29 a.m.):** Don’t we have this talk every year? o.O 

 

**Regis (9:30 a.m.):** well, what’s the Jewish equivalent to a scrooge?

**Regis (9:31 a.m.):** ur that

**Regis (9:32 a.m.):** also, for someone who doesn’t get into the christmas spirit, u sure do take ur grinch costume srsly

 

**Clarus (9:33 a.m.):** Because it’s hilarious. 

**Clarus (9:34 a.m.):** I love the expressions we get. 

 

**Regis (9:35 a.m.):** i think u just lyk painting urself green

 

**Clarus (9:36 a.m.):** I haven’t used body paint since Iris was born. D: 

**Clarus (9:37 a.m.):** Are you really that unobservant, Majesty? D: D: D: 

 

**Regis (9:38 a.m.):** ...rly?

**Regis (9:39 a.m.):** how do u get so green, then? O.o

 

**Clarus (9:40 a.m.):** It’s a secret. :P 

 

**Regis (9:41 a.m.):** ...I always fucking knew u were part frog

 

**Clarus (9:42 a.m.):** That’s what you get for being stingy with those Maiden’s Kisses when we were on the road. 

**Clarus (9:43 a.m.):** [frog emoji] 

 

**Regis (9:44 a.m.):** you literally got toaded every other battle

 

**Clarus (9:45 a.m.):** Because you were sloppy about watching your back. 

 

**Regis (9:46 a.m.):** bcuz there was a very sexy man in front of me <3

 

**Clarus (9:47 a.m.):** Well played. 

**Clarus (9:48 a.m.):** <3

 

**Regis (9:49 a.m.):** I was, of course, referring 2 Cid

 

**Clarus (9:50 a.m.):** Lies. 

**Clarus (9:51 a.m.):** We both know you were talking about Weskham. 

 

**Regis (9:52 a.m.):** ah, yes

**Regis (9:23 a.m.):** sweet chef of my heart <3

 

**Clarus (9:24 a.m.):** It’s really too bad he didn’t come back to Insomnia with us... 

 

**Regis (9:25 a.m.):** yeah…

**Regis (9:26 a.m.):** but he’s apparently doing very well

 

**Clarus (9:27 a.m.):** So I hear. 

**Clarus (9:28 a.m.):** ...Are you sitting like that specifically so the DILF is visible across the table? 

 

**Regis (9:29 a.m.):** yes

**Regis (9:29 a.m.):** it is very uncomfortable, so plz admire it

**Regis (9:30 a.m.):** I can’t feel my foot

 

**Clarus (9:32 a.m.):** There. I took a picture. Sit up. 

 

**Regis (9:33 a.m.):** oh, thank the astrals


End file.
